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Discussion Starter · #1 · (Edited)
.. and it didn't go over very well. Bought a SIG P239 a couple of weeks ago... happy with the purchase. Long story short - she's always said no and very adamant about not having guns in the house. So I got one anyway - because it's my right, I have a duty to protect myself and my family, and she's not my mom, boss, owner, master, overlord or supreme being to me. She's my wife. So now I'm in a "either the gun goes or I go" situation and she told me I have two days to do it... or if she doesn't leave she'll call the police and have them remove it. No compromise, nothing. No gun, period. So yeah, she's pretty pissed and my marriage is now hanging in the balance.

This sound familiar to anyone? She won't even give me a rational explanation as to why she wants the gun gone other than "I told you before and I'm not repeating myself".

The gun is in a gun safe bolted to the wall of the bedroom closet with a trigger lock on the gun. Ammo and mags are locked up separately in an ammo box. All for the safety of the kids. Which of course throws out the notion of home protection since by the time I get the gun out, get the ammo out... you get the picture... the bad guy will have won.

Gotta love it I live in one of the hardest states in the country to get a full carry CCW, have never laid a pinky on the wife or kids (well the daughter got a light smack on the butt twice)... and she's in this mortal fear that the gun will bring harm upon the family in spite of all the precautions I've taken.

Sure - she's mad because I "lied" to her about it. No... I didn't lie - I just hadn't told her yet. I mean what's the difference between this or getting her a birthday gift two weeks ahead of time and not telling her til her birthday? Same concept right?

Just unreal.
 

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Head Fapper
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Should've known her stance on firearms before you married her.
 

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Man, marriage is a serious thing, so I'm not gonna be that guy who says "lose the bitch." But what I will say is that I (personally) coudln't be happy in a marriage where my spouse acted like a dictator. My wife doesn't love firearms--it's definitely my hobby and not hers. But she's been open to learning and seems to enjoy the handguns.

Best of luck with the decision. If you need to get out and blow off some steam, I'll be hitting up the range in Camillus on Saturday or Sunday. Feel free to PM me.
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
Should've known her stance on firearms before you married her.
The gun bug didn't really bite me until a few years after we married...
 

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Sorry to hear. Hope it turns out OK for you. Personally, if the handgun is the only thing coming between you and your family, the gun would go if I were in your shoes. Esp. for the kids. However, given an ultimatum, I'd probably would stand my ground until it was too late.

Just out of curiosity, didn't she need to consent to your permit being member of same household? I seem to recall that was a requirement when I applied for mine but maybe that was county specific? Don't remember. Anyway, I side stepped the whole gun in the house issue by having my wife apply for hers at the same time...
 

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Get rid of the wife and get 2 new guns.

Just kidding... hope you get it worked out. Maybe talk to her about safe storage?
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
Just kidding... hope you get it worked out. Maybe talk to her about safe storage?
Already done... gun in safe w/trigger lock... ammo in a separate locked box.

I take firearms safety very seriously. With two kids - even more so.

I just chalk it up to irrational fear / anti-gun media brainwashing.
 

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Is this your only gun?

Here's my opinion...

My girlfriend hated guns when we first got together. She scrutinized every purchase I made, every time I went shooting, etc...

Then I took her shooting...

Now she's jealous when I go shooting and she's at work lol. She loves shooting, and has claimed my beloved 10/22 as her own.

Take her shooting.
 

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Take a basic safety class with her, to show her they are safe. Also maybe grab some info on the Corneredcat.com and try to have a civil debate to find a happy center?
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
Yup - it's my only gun. I don't plan on owning an arsenal... maybe a 2nd gun for some variety... but not joining the gun of the month club either.

Once her mind is made up - that's it. No chance in hell she'll go to the range with me... just like she stopped going camping, bowling, boating, fishing, etc... with me - tried it once, didn't like it - never went again. Took her to the Calverton range with my brother once... she liked it - but has had zero inclination to go back ever again.

What about keeping it in a safe deposit box at the bank? That OK here in NY?
 

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Do you have any ranges in your area that holds youth shooting events? I would take the kids and her to one. Maybe if she sees that kids can shoot them safely maybe she will have second thoughts. Her fear is either two things, what she seen and heard or she had a bad experience with one at some point in her life. You need to find out what the real reason of her fear of guns and then go from there.

James
 

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Yup - it's my only gun. I don't plan on owning an arsenal... maybe a 2nd gun for some variety... but not joining the gun of the month club either.

Once her mind is made up - that's it. No chance in hell she'll go to the range with me... just like she stopped going camping, bowling, boating, fishing, etc... with me - tried it once, didn't like it - never went again. Took her to the Calverton range with my brother once... she liked it - but has had zero inclination to go back ever again.

What about keeping it in a safe deposit box at the bank? That OK here in NY?
Because a safe deposit box is going to help you when a burglar is busting through your front door..... Your handgun is supposed to be in your home, on your person, or at a gunsmith. That's it.

So what exactly do you have in common with her? I don't mean to pry, or hint at a poor relationship as it's none of my business and not my intention, but if you have a lot of interest in any of those activities, and she absolutely hates them, that's a lot of fun you miss out on a lot of fun.

I hope she makes up for all of this in some other areas. ;)
 

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anything else she restricts? Anything of hers you restrict? This may involve some serious give and take. I gotta be honest, I don't love your approach. I don't like hers either though.
 

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Do you have family or friends you trust near by? You could always have it added to their permit but maintain ownership of it and go grab it when ever you want to shoot it. Then after she cools off talk to her about it and just try to find out where she is coming from and go from there. I am sorry your going through this. Good Luck.
 

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Discussion Starter · #16 ·
anything else she restricts? Anything of hers you restrict? This may involve some serious give and take. I gotta be honest, I don't love your approach. I don't like hers either though.
Nah - I pretty much let her do what she wants. The only thing I ask her not to do is work 80 hours a week and put the needs of her family last - but she just tells me to shut up and deal with it.

Well, every time I asked about getting a gun - the answer was always a firm "NO". What else am I supposed to do? Just sit there like a child and obey her? Can't just say no and refuse to compromise... that's not how a marriage works. But the man of the house is entitled to make decisions that need not involve buy-in from the wife. I know some women out there will vehemently disagree with me on that, but I'm not being unreasonable either.

Really, she should say yes, you can have a gun so long as you take every precaution to keep the kids from getting their paws on it.

But in her case - that's not enough - because even if there's a 1 in a billion chance that one of the kids could get their hands on it - those odds are too much for her. She won't listen to the facts and stats that prove I'm right (in fact I mentioned that one year a few dozen kids got killed by a firearm in their home vs 4700 in car accidents and she went ballistic because her cousin was one of those 4700 kids one year). Can't win.
 

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anything else she restricts? Anything of hers you restrict? This may involve some serious give and take. I gotta be honest, I don't love your approach. I don't like hers either though.
Agree.

This is more of a relationship question and less of a gun question. This is what *I* would do, but this is a very personal topic so you need to approach it how you feel best.

I would not focus on the guns in particular, because they are just a symptom of a problem. Instead, focus on her unwillingness to compromise or listen to reason. I suspect there may be other areas you can think of where she won't compromise, gently introduce them IF she challenges it, but don't throw them in her face. Remind her that you are attempting to compromise by having the gun secured six different ways when you'd probably rather have faster access to it. That is already a compromise, you are doing your part, its her responsibility as a part of the relationship to compromise as well.

If she absolutely won't be comfortable with a gun in the house, I believe you should give that up for her. But, I would need her to make a serious effort to educate herself on the topic and that guns don't just shoot people. That statistic about it being more likely to get shot with your gun than shoot someone else is literally false. I would probably ask that she attend a lecture or take NRA Basic Pistol, maybe read corneredcat.com.

If I felt she was approaching these things with a legitimately open mind, and still arrived at the same decision, then I would have to respect that. If you feel more strongly about owning guns than you do about your marriage, that's something you need to decide for yourself. But I think there is some work that can be done before it comes down to wife or guns.

It also may be very beneficial to get a third party counselor involved, who is a neutral party that you can both explain your cases to. If she won't accept that, that's not good.
 

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Hmmmmmm. Maybe wait a month or two then ask her to go to marriage counseling and bring it up there? Just make sure you get a woman who is also gun friendly as a therapist. Other then that I dont know what to tell you.
 

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Can't just say no and refuse to compromise... that's not how a marriage works. But the man of the house is entitled to make decisions that need not involve buy-in from the wife. I know some women out there will vehemently disagree with me on that, but I'm not being unreasonable either.
Man, this is touchy, because its really not our place to judge your relationship on the Internet. But, again my opinion, do with it what you like, is that the above is a really terribly approach. And I am not a woman. You are mad because you don't feel you are being listened to or respected, but isn't that exactly what you are prescribing for her in this quote?

There is no decision that "needs not involve the buy-in from the" spouse, man or woman. There are no entitlements. Everything is a joint decision, and a compromise. Like I said in my previous post, that is the bigger issue, and it sounds like one both of you may need to work on.

If I'm going too far, let me know. I only mean to help.
 

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Tell her it was an investment. Tell her about how the prices of guns and ammo skyrocket closer to the election, and you plan to buy her something nice when you sell and make massive profits.

Then when Obummer gets re-elected, tell her if you don't have the guns now, you may never be able to get them again, so the value is only going to go up more.

Win.
 
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