Official New York Firearms Turtle Thread
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Cerimonial sacrifice.
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if he was in fact badass, you should have kept him as a pet, badass pets are badass 
If he were truly bad ass, he would have never had let you take him alive. He would have taken a bite of you and/or your boat, dragged you out into open water, stalked you, then attacked from below not unlike a great white, breaching as he did so. Your only hope to survive would have been to slay him using all your wit, a high explosive, a pony and a tilt a whirl. As this did not occur, he was in fact not bad ass therefore deserving whatever fate not bad ass turtles are fated to have.
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5,413 Posts
His turtle cry is weird
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1,173 Posts
my fb status update from last night, appropriately:
i saved a stubborn box turtle from making the fatal mistake of attempting to cross a major thoroughfare yesterday. it thanked me by pissing generously on the floormat of my truck while i relocated him to a remote field beside a back country road. i know it was a male because it had red eyes and the female of the species has mustard-colored eyes. one learns these things as a child when nature proves to be more accepting than the neighborhood kids.
good luck, mr. box turtle. i'm sorry that indigenous native american tribes nearly put you on the endangered list because your hinged shell turned out to be a nifty receptacle for wampum, trinkets, and other stupid **** that those pesky ****** traded for the island of manhattan. don't worry, we took care of those sadistic ****ers for ya...
i saved a stubborn box turtle from making the fatal mistake of attempting to cross a major thoroughfare yesterday. it thanked me by pissing generously on the floormat of my truck while i relocated him to a remote field beside a back country road. i know it was a male because it had red eyes and the female of the species has mustard-colored eyes. one learns these things as a child when nature proves to be more accepting than the neighborhood kids.
good luck, mr. box turtle. i'm sorry that indigenous native american tribes nearly put you on the endangered list because your hinged shell turned out to be a nifty receptacle for wampum, trinkets, and other stupid **** that those pesky ****** traded for the island of manhattan. don't worry, we took care of those sadistic ****ers for ya...
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1,173 Posts
how many rings did it have on its shell? in other words, was it preban? if so it's a keeper, especially since you have more than the required post count on here to list it for way too much money...
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I am greedy, and if he was a Pre Ban, I would have kept him!!
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3,441 Posts
Stopped today after another car with a woman in it flagged me down because a 12" snapper was in my lane, threw on the 4 ways and slid him to the pond side of the road, hope he made it!
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I stop and remove them from the road as well! I've seen/helped some huge snappers crossing from the river,and unfortunately some are just road-kill.They seem to run over them over for fun,the idiots...
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i was just thinking the same thing last night. i often see snappers crushed in the shoulder of the road which leads me to believe some sickos aim for them. sure, theyre nasty predators, but theyre an important part of the food chain and have been such for millions of years. doesnt that deserve a little respect, or at least the courtesy of not being a drunk ******** cheap thrill while driving home from happy hour? sheesh...
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yes, when they are in season and/or I am hunting it is a different story but I will always try to miss a squirrel or chipmunk or whatever in the road but when I am in my deerstand game on, you're going down varmint!
agreed every little one of gods creatures i can help live longer til one of us gets to blows his chest out!
by the way squirrel and turtle soup is great especially if you find some good goats beard to mix in and some greens
the turtle should be added well after the squirrel since the meat is softer and cooks faster
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absolutely. besides, ya cant eat, mount (in terms of taxidermy), or accurately document something you're squished under your tires. i swerved to miss a suicidal squirrel last week and barely missed the tractor-trailer coming around the bend. that would've incited a one-man squirrel-squashing apocalypse down the road had i wrecked my truck. has anyone yanked the back straps from a fresh venison road-roast? is that even legal? it pisses me off when people hack off the antlers of something that died via highway for bragging rights of some sort, but i suppose utilizing an intact specimen for food purposes is noble.
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